Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Photo of a Soon-to-be Accident

This is the before photo of an soon-to-be accident. My son got creative. Do I allow him to keep his invention and wait for the inevitable? Or do I confiscate it before the disaster?

 

His name is David. David and the slingshot…sound familiar? I named him David because it means “beloved of God” not because it means “kill things by slinging stones.”

Yes, this is the same boy that taped the frog to the wall. Now he has a weapon. Beware!

Here is not so scary.

 

Boys….I love ‘em.

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You Know You’re A Mom When…

  • You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
  • You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
  • Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
  • Popsicles become a food staple.
  • Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
  • Peanut butter and jelly is eaten for at least one meal a day.
  • Your baby’s pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her after you suck the dirt off of it because you’re too busy to wash it off.
  • You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!
  • Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
  • You’re up each night until 11 p.m. vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, creating lesson plans, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet … you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
  • In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions.
  • You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.
  • You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it’s the only one your child eats.
  • You have time to shave only one leg per shower.
  • You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
  • Your kid throws up and you catch it.
  • You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
  • You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun anyway.
  • You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into cute shapes.
  • You’re eating lunch out with a friend and you say “I bet I can eat my spinach faster than you can.”
  • You can’t bear to give away baby clothes–it’s so final.
  • You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “Not in your good clothes.”
  • You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
  • You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is “above average.”
  • You know you are a mom when the gifts you love most are made from construction paper or popsicle sticks, watercolors or glitter, even finger paint. A bouquet of dandelions that are “just for you mommy” are treasured more than a dozen roses, the macaroni necklace more than a gold charm.

 

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A Smile is a Click Away

A cheerful heart is a good medicine… Psalms 17:22

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” - Mark Twain

Share a grin. Please use the comment section to share your favorite funny blog or post.

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Laundry Daze

Laundry Danger

This is what happens at my house when I’ve been sick for a week or working on a deadline.

 

Long Time Never-Been Solved Laundry Mysteries

  1. Where does the other sock go? (Aliens? Sneaky sock-thief neighbors? Floating in cyber space with some of my email?)
  2. What is lint? Why does the amount vary from load to load?

When Hubby Does the Laundry

A laundry challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”

“It depends,” she replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”

He yelled back, “Texas A & M” :P

Laundry Decor

My new laundry room is the main entry to our home (no one uses our front door into the living room). So I decide to spruce it up. I found these adorable curtains for my laundry room at Collections etc.

When I was growing up it was my job to hang the clothes to dry. I miss the smell of fresh sheets hanging on the line, but not enough to hang sheets out in 30 degree weather.

I found some cute things for laundry rooms on eBay:

I leave you with this threat reminder:

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Thinking Like a Child

We’ve been taping (TiVo) episodes of Discovery Channel’s Planet Earth to watch in the evenings. After dinner and the dishes I asked the boys which episode they wanted to watch: Deep Oceans, Great Plains, or Caves. They voted on Great Plains.

The world’s plains are home to massive herds of animals. This episode reveals the grasslands of Mongolia and the flooding plains of Papua New Guinea, and finds amazing gatherings of creatures, such as East Africa’s wildebeest and clusters of rare grazers like the beautiful Mongolian gazelles. We all sat mesmerized at God’s creations.

About three-quarters into the show my 8-year-old says, “This is really good, mom, but where are the planes?” :P Of course this led to a discussion on homophones. :)

If you are watching these shows, there is a neat follow-up site to look up animals by habitat.

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No More Oatmeal Kisses

I have several Erma Bombeck books and frequently reread them for a good chuckle. You can get them used on Amazon for a few dollars. She wrote this in her column on January 29, 1969.

 

 

A young mother writes: “I know you’ve written before about the empty-nest syndrome, that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?”

OK. One of these days, you’ll shout, “Why don’t you kids grow up and act your age!” And they will. Or, “You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do . . . and don’t slam the door!” And they won’t.

You’ll straighten up the boys’ bedroom neat and tidy: bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you’ll say out loud, “Now I want it to stay this way.” And it will.

You’ll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you’ll say, “Now, there’s a meal for company.” And you’ll eat it alone.

You’ll say, “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?” And you’ll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins under the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathroom. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or wet knotted shoestrings.

Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year’s Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn’t ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o’clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.
Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” and the silence echoing, “I did.”

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